I am going to have to write about this day later so I can catch up to real time. So much to say about this day.....
Gracie slept through the night last night, in our bed, and when she woke the terror and fear was back. She obviously didn’t know where she was or who we were. Today was our Adoption Finalization appointment at the Civil Affairs office where we first met Gracie...we were to leave at 10 am. Denny and Emma headed down to get breakfast while I played with Gracie but I could tell things just weren’t right. I’m so thankful for the play time I had with her yesterday and could see a bit of her personality and know she wasn’t herself. I gave her some water and she ate a little bit but then ended up getting sick. She almost immediately fell back to sleep only after being awake for 15 minutes. Denny and Emma got back to the room and he then texted our guide to let her know what was going on. Gracie ended up throwing up a couple of more times and was now screaming crying and became lifeless. Denise, our guide, ended up coming to our room to check on her. She was able to calm Gracie as she spoke in her language. Denise also called the orphanage director, who was on her way to our meeting at the Civil Affairs office. She asked her if this was previously happening with Gracie or if there was anything she knew of we could do to help her. She said she has been fine and wanted to make sure we were giving her very warm water and had her in several layers of clothes. This is the way of life here. But that was not the problem at this point. Yesterday we thought the vomiting was because of her nerves but the way it was going today we knew this was not the case anymore. We had to quickly get ready as we were running late at this point. (On a funny note, at this point we were running behind and Denise told us to just grab clothes and leave. Normally on this day you wear something nice because you’re finalizing the adoption and because there’s a photo. Well we grabbed whatever was on top of our suitcase and only until later did we notice we were both matching in our Maple Street Biscuit t-shirts! lol) We flew downstairs to get in the van where Denise said we would discuss medical care options. She said we had two options…one being going to the hospital ER where the fee is very low, wait will be all day and no western doctors. Option two was an International Clinic where the fee is higher but it’s much quicker and there are western doctors and western medicine/care. We said we would try the clinic and that would be our stop after our 10:30 appointment. Denise held Gracie to the appointment and comforted her in mandarin. Once we arrived at the Civil Affairs office, the orphanage director came right up to us and wanted to see Gracie and check on her. We asked her if she’s ever done this before and she said no and that nothing seemed wrong with her yesterday. We asked if she knew about any feeding problems and she said she didn’t have any. We asked a couple of more questions while she wrapped her in another blanket (she had on her pjs with another outfit over top of that, a jacket and one blanket wrapped around her already) and sat down with her to comfort her. Gracie became calm in her arms but started to gag and I tried to hand the director the towel I had brought to catch the vomit in but that’s not how things work here. The director held Gracie over on her belly and had her throw up right in the floor in front of us and patted her back to get it all out, then turned her over, wiped her mouth, and bundled her back up. On a side note, a friend whose family adopted from here this summer wrote Emma a letter warning her of the puddles here and that they’re probably not made of water…which is SO true! Thanks Alana for that tip :) It’s not strange for people to spit on the ground right beside you, for their child to pee on the floor right in front of you, or to apparently throw up on the floor in a building. It was time for us to start our paperwork and the director said she would hold Gracie. When we sat down our guide told us that it is now the adoption becomes official. But she wanted to know if we still wanted to move forward with it. Denny and I were confused by this and just looked at each other. She continued to talk and was trying to ask us since this is happening to Gracie if we still want to continue the adoption. Denny stopped her mid sentence and said no we aren’t backing out…she is our daughter! We were just trying to find out the best way to care for her and if there’s something we can do to help her. She understood and just wanted to confirm. We answered the paperwork questions of will we ever leave her or abandon her and why we want to adopt her. I just wanted to get out of there and get her to a doctor. When we finished the paperwork, we packed up our stuff again and got back in the van….the orphanage director wanted to come with us as she was genuinely concerned about Gracie and wanted to make sure she was ok. She held her while we rode to the clinic and once we got there she tried to give her more warm water….which in turn just came right back out….and of course, all over the floor. Just then a doctor with his hair sticking straight up and who had a quirky smile said…oh, well we need to move away from this and see what we can do! We ALL went into the room and we told him about the last 30 hours. He looked her over and said all looks well, but she’s probably got a stomach bug that’s been going around the last two weeks. He said we had two options. One….going to the hospital ER where they would insert an IV into a vein in her head for her to get some fluids. This is where they give the IV for little ones who are dehydrated. He said this hospital is crazy but not to get him wrong…the doctors are great and have a ton of experience because they see 100 patients a day…it’s a city of 8 million people but there are only 2 pediatricians at the ER…he said it’s probably something we’ve never experienced before….not western doctors and they don’t have time to discuss what’s wrong…they just try to fix it and won’t explain it. He said option two was to give her a suppository here at the clinic to hopefully stop the throwing up. This doctor was from Germany and said he had to bring these into the country because they aren’t appoved too well by the locals but he had them locked up for his “friends”. We were really hoping we were his “friends” by this point. We chose option two. He also suggested for only her parents to be in the room as he gave her the suppository because they are not used to this type of medicine and they believed warm water and being bundled up would help her the most. So out they went. He told us in about an hour to start giving her a tablespoon of water every 10 minutes and hopefully she would keep that down. Now this sounded familiar!! He then gave us a deadline. If by 3:30 pm the medicine was NOT working, we would then need to go to the emergency room and he was very serious about this. He said there is a shift change at 4pm and things get even crazier at the ER at nighttime and waiting until tomorrow morning would be too late for her. I did not worry ahead about this situation…. we contacted our prayer warriors and I knew God would have this all worked out by the deadline. Not to say we weren’t scared….we did not like seeing her this way and weren’t sure how to really help her since we had only had her for 24 hours but we knew God had brought us this far and He would see us through it. The doctor explained to our guide and orphanage director about what he had advised us to do. They had quite a look on their face when he told them she could only have a tablespoon of water every 10 minutes! It’s just not how they do things here but they were respectful of what we were supposed to do. Instead of having to catch a cab back to the hotel, the orphanage director had her van take us back….and comforted Gracie as we got back out of the car. We thanked her so much for her concern and care and that we would see her in two days. We were supposed to go to Gracie’s orphanage tomorrow but we decided to give it another day and see how she feels by Thursday. Our guide, Denise, told us she would stay at the hotel until 4pm in case we needed her or if we needed her to take us to the hospital. Denny set Emma up with a couple of movies while we cared for Gracie. Denise ended up coming up to our room a few minutes later as she too was concerned about Gracie and wanted to see if we needed her to talk to her in her language. The Lord provided another "mom" for us on this trip...Denise has a 9 year old daughter of her own and truly loves children and she loves adoption. It was so comforting to have her with us and for her to comfort Gracie with her words like she did. Gracie had fallen asleep as we were leaving the doctor’s office and we ended up having to wake her at 2:45 to start giving her water. Denny set his alarm for every 10 minutes and we started slowly giving her liquids and she was able to keep them down. 3:30 passed….and then 4pm. Praise the Lord she did not get sick again! And we were NOT going to the emergency room today! Our guide stayed a while longer and told us to call her no matter the time if something changed. I don’t remember anything else about that night other than it’s just another example of how when God tells you to go…you go…and He will provide the way.
Once we were back to the hotel after we got Gracie, we headed up to our room to get to know her a little better. Her eyes were as big as they could possibly get and she was constantly looking around. We could easily see she was timid but as the minutes went on she became more scared. She never cried but was just so nervous. She was grinding her teeth almost constantly and then she started spitting up and we assumed it was from her nerves so we decided it was best for Emma and Denny to leave so it would be more quiet and less for her to take in. They were able to go sightseeing and visited the Nanjing Wall where they did archery, rode down the top of the wall on an electric car, and enjoyed a beautiful view. This city wall was built during the Ming Dynasty and each brick has the name of the one who made it. They said it was quite a hike up to the top. Back in the room, Gracie sat in my lap quietly and ended up falling asleep. She napped from 12-12:30 and woke up quietly, just looking around. Until this day, this little one has never left the orphanage...never been in a car, hotel room, a store, never seen a bed, a suitcase, and probably never seen anyone who looks different from her nannies. She sat in my lap for a while just taking it all in. Then I remembered the stacking cups. We were told these were the only toy we would need to bring to China and boy was that right! I sat in the floor with her in my lap and showed her the cups and how they fit inside each other. After two times of showing her this...she took over. She moved the cups around and put them inside one another and then did it over...and over...and over again. We had some great play time together and I got to see her personality come out a little bit when we put the cups on each other's heads. We also scooted the cups across the table from each other. At this point, she was not stuck to my lap like she has been for the days since. She even giggled and gave me some smiles! She wouldn't take the bottle or cup we brought and would cough and then throw up when I would show it to her so I ended up giving her water out of the lid of a water bottle...this was the only way she would drink for a day. We continued to play and have fun together and it was fascinating to watch her become a bit more comfortable. I was amazed at all she could do with her little nubs. She moved those cups around with no problem, she opened the little play dough container, and she even got a quarter of of the play dough that I had squished it into. I know I have been told many times there's not much she won't be able to do with her hands. But hearing it and seeing are two totally different things. I sat in the hotel room in amazement of this little girl. I was even able to give her a short bath as she was pretty smelly and sweaty. She stood stiff in the bathtub and was amazed at the bubbles. I quickly got her out and put on her pjs...and while she was happy, I knew I had to put a headband on her as I've been "threatened" that every picture of her she should be wearing one of her many, many, many headbands :) This might be the only picture you'll get like that :) Denny and Emma returned from their exploring and Gracie became very scared and stopped playing. She started gritting her teeth again and then vomited. She continued to do this off and on until bedtime. We tried to put her in the crib and complete terror came across her face. Now, after having three kiddos I can tell what pitching a fit looks like. This was nothing like pitching a fit or a temper tantrum. It was full out terror. I've never seen real terror like this in a person before and it was so scary and sad all at the same time...sad that she was experiencing this and scary that there was nothing we could really do to help her. I tried sleeping with her on the little couch but we didn't fit too well so she ended up in the bed with Denny and I....with the view of Denny blocked by pillows. She slept through the night but as soon as she woke the next morning, the fear and shock started all over again for her.
(written on Wednesday night) I am actually sitting down for the first time since Monday afternoon without a little one clingy to me with a death grip so I am able to update this much. Monday morning we woke up at 3am again but we were able to fall back asleep for a little bit. When we finally woke again, Denny asked me, "so are you ready for this?" I laughed and said as ready as we will ever be for such an unknown. As Denny reminded us of several verses we agreed the Lord is who brought us to this point and we know He will see us through it. We then we started to get ready for the day. Well, someone else was already up and ready....and had closed our bedroom door so she wouldn't wake us. (We have a 1 bedroom suite and Emma is sleeping on the little couch in the "living room".) Emma had decorated the "living room" where Gracie's crib is with balloons, drawings, window clings and all of her toys out and organized. To say she was excited is an understatement. She talked and giggled all morning. We went to breakfast at the hotel and waited to meet our guide in the lobby at 9:30am...oh how the time moved sooooo slowly. There was another family with Holt who rode in the van with us to the Civil Affairs office where the children were brought to. Their 2-year old daughter is also being adopted from Gracie's orphanage! I hadn't found them on the Facebook groups so it was so exciting to meet another family who would also be with us for the next 2 weeks and their daughter knows our daughter. We nervously chatted as we rode to the office. Once we pulled into the gate outside of the office I told Denny I might just throw up! When we pulled up, there was another van in front of us that was unloading several kids with their nannies. Our guide told us to look quickly and see if any of them were our children so we could quickly get a picture. They were not ours. We unloaded and walked into the office where a couple of little kids were sitting down with their nannies and a few other little ones were screaming as their nannies walked them around. We were able to watch a few families meet their children for the first time and we also were able to take photos for these families as they were meeting them. The tears started flowing watching these families come together... it was such a special moment ...a few children went to their new parents screaming and a few went to them with no tears. I kept looking out the window for the next van of children. One family who was there had their 3 year old daughter with them who they had adopted from here 2 years ago. They were adopting a 2 year old little boy on this day and he went to his Mama and Baba with smiles and wide eyes. Their daughter wasn't so happy. Even though she had been thoroughly prepared these last 5 months, it's hard to prepare for the real thing when the real thing can be so unknown. (Two days later the little girl has settled right in to being the big sis :) And then we saw THE VAN....the one with our little girls in it. Us and the other family went right to the window waiting to get the first glimpse of them in person. Denny then took off to the front door of the building because he had the video camera. The other family's little girl was brought out of the van first and then I saw her. Let me back up...I had been nervous for months that I would not recognize Gracie. From the different pictures we have received of her, especially from the ones of this summer and the December update, I had wondered if she was the same child, but knew she was because of her hands. I thought I wouldn't recognize her face when I saw her for the first time. Well, let me just tell you....a mama knows her baby! I knew instantly when I saw her face she was ours. From outside a window in the arms of another woman, bundled up in a yellow puffy hooded jacket...I knew that was our Gracie. I watched the lady carry her into the building and for a few seconds I waited while she was brought in the front door. I was, of course, standing at the front door of the office as she entered the room. She had very wide eyes and looked all around. Our guide, Denise, told the woman I was her Mama. The woman, come to find out, is actually the director of her orphanage. The director carried Gracie from the van and handed her to me. As Gracie was leaving her arms she whimpered and I could tell she was very nervous. The director smiled at me and passed her to my arms. I can't explain the feeling that came over me...I could tell this woman cared for Gracie and I didn't want her to be scared but I wanted her in my arms. All I could see of her was her hair, eyes and nose...the rest of her was covered in her yellow puffy jacket. I don't remember what happened next but thankfully Denny has it on video and I can't wait to watch it :) I remember Emma was by my side looking at her and smiling and Gracie just stayed wide-eyed. We eventually went into the next room and had our picture taken for something official. Denny held her for awhile and passed her back to me. Even though it was just 2 days ago, so much of this day is a blur. Us and the other Holt family and their new little girl got back into the van and our guide asked us if we would like to go to the store now or later for supplies. We all agreed now since the little ones were doing well (not screaming) so off we all went to a Chinese-like Wal-mart. This was so bizarre and so normal all at the same time. We rode on this flat escalator up one flight WITH our buggies and off shopping we went. We needed diapers (we had to take a lot out of our luggage in order for it to meet the weight limit) and both families ended up buying an umbrella stroller. We also got some apple juice, candy and a few other snacks. It was pretty funny trying to find out how the strollers we both picked out folded down flat. Not like they do at home...and of course the instructions were in Mandarin. Gracie was still in my arms and was very observant....looking everything over with big eyes. I was even able to put her down for a bit in the store and watch her take a few steps. I could tell she had on several layers of clothes including a thick wool sweater, and don't forget her yellow puffy jacket :)...and was sweating....as was I carrying her. Emma had fun looking around in the store and actually found this certain candy that was a part of this thing we did back in the fall where we followed the schedule of a "nanny for a day". The candy was included in our packet of stuff as a treat the nannies will give the children at times to get them to stop crying. After the store we headed back to the hotel. When we were all piling out of the van in front of the hotel, there were 5 or 6 men standing where we were unloading. They were all talking and noticing all of us and then got really close to me and started pointing at Gracie's hands and speaking loudly in mandarin and kind of in our face about it. One of the men then noticed the band around her leg and pointed repeatedly at it. This only lasted for maybe 7 seconds but is a very vivid picture in my mind. I wanted to instantly smack their fingers and hands away and tell them to get away. As I type this it brings tears to my eyes, but not for why you might think. I am so thankful for this moment. When I think of this, I see how God has given me an immediate Mama Bear instinct for this little one...who just hours ago I had never met in person. It blows my mind how I can so fiercely love this little girl...our daughter...all praise goes to Him. It is our loving God who provides what we need, when He decides we need it. Thank you Jesus for this great gift of Gracie. Day 5 - Gotcha Day (3-21-16)
They should call it Child Trauma Day. We woke this day at 3AM but was able to eek out another hour or so of sleep, or at least I was. We connected with a friend Julie had made prior to coming who happened to be right across the hall from us. Breakfast was pretty good, the yogurt over here is awesome. During breakfast we met two other adoptive families and chatted with them. I had met one of the couples the day before in the mall. It’s not hard to spot us all. This couple was here with their cute and talkative little daughter they previously adopted from China. Emma was once again a superstar. They were back to get a little boy. They had prepared me a little more for what Gotcha day would be like. It truly is encouraging to have others around you on the same journey. After breakfast and a quick trip back to the room we met our guide, Denise, in the lobby. I can’t say enough about the great work these guides do to walk you through all of this. We got in a large diesel (Stick Shift! Chris Maughon) van to ride with the other Holt family to the Children’s Welfare Agency. I was on video duty and doing my duty diligently, I believe to the annoyance of most around me. Julie was in a state of “Oh my word I think I’m going to puke!” I had my video rolling to make sure not to miss anything. It was a pretty nervous 20 minute ride. A van pulled in just ahead of us and Denise asked if we recognized any of the kids getting out. They were from the Nanjing orphanage and didn’t belong to us or the other Holt family. A few of the kids were already crying as they were being taken out of the van. Denise ushered us into a room on the first floor. The room was about the size of a typical doctor’s office waiting room. The other family from breakfast was already there and then two other families arrived shortly after. The kids we had just seen were brought in and the crying escalated. Tears of joys on one side and tears of fear on the other. The shear emotion in the room was enough to get me caught up in the crying frenzy and we still had thirty minutes till Gracie arrived. As we are sitting there (well I was sitting, Julie was pacing) Denise is busily bringing you paper work to sign and asking for documents to make copies of. I am very fortunate Julie had prepared and organized all of this before hand, because at this point she said: “You got this right? I can’t handle this right now.” Paperwork finished, check! “Where’s the bathroom?” I ask. The look of “your going to miss your daughter’s birth” flashes at me. Fortunately the bathroom was just through a doorway in the office. I won’t pee on myself now in the excitement of the moment, check! The time is at hand. I’m back to video duty. Denise grabs me and escorts me out to the front door as a van approaches. As two people holding children exit the van Denise says “Do you see her, do you recognize your daughter?” Bundled in a bright yellow jacket I see her little head pop out. Whoosh! the emotions go. I’m crying right now just writing about it. My second thought is, “thank God we have all those hair bows.” She is and will always be (in good company with two other beautiful ladies) the apple of my eye. I find it hard to believe or understand how you can almost instantly love this little child that is basically a complete stranger to you in every way possible. It’s an indescribable experience. It’s a God thing. Resisting the urge to grab her, I’m back on video duty. As they walk by, our guide, Denise, is pointing at me and saying Ba Ba (daddy) to Gracie. She looks terrified but she is not screaming her head off. My heart breaks for her and the trauma this must be. Probably the first time to see a westerner or to ride in a van. The next several minutes are a blur. I am thankful I just kept the video running (Thanks David for the Go Pro!). There is no way I can recall all that happened. Again, the room is a sea of emotions and tears. Tasks. That’s what I need in times of emotional excess, a task. I focused on getting Denise to discuss with the orphanage director our visit request and gift, which probably didn’t hurt the negotiation. More on that later and the witnessing opportunity it has provided and pray will continue to provide. The director agreed to allow us to come to the orphanage! Once we finished our family picture and signed a few more papers we were out the door and on our way to the grocery store with our new babies. The other couple with our agency is a very sweet couple from South Dakota. They have two teenage boys and an adopted daughter from Ethiopia back home. Their little girl is so funny, every time she would start to fuss they would just hand her a cracker and life was good again. Although Gracie didn’t fuss you could tell she was terrified. The China grocery store sold about everything and had a cool buggy/person escalator to take your from floor to floor. We purchased a new stroller, I opted for the floor model knowing I had no interest in trying to put together a stroller from instructions written only in Mandarin and with no tools. We finished up our shopping and were on our way back to the hotel. Our guide told us to go drop our stuff upstairs and meet back in the lobby. She was going to take us across the street to an authentic Chinese restaurant. We arrived in the room and that’s when things turned south…… Sorry these posts are going to be lagging the dates, we have our hands a little full at the moment.
I bring it on myself I suppose, being labeled the princess traveler. I am certainly a spoiled American. I do like my comforts and would definitely be considered a hotel snob. Give me the choice between a feather bed at a nice five star or the synthetic comforter at the three star, that my friends is a no brainer! So the surgical mask on the plane, why wouldn’t you!? Chances are I will never see those people again and the statistical probability someone on the plane had the flu or something worse is too great for me. After all I was on my way to a communist country, with a major language barrier, and I was responsible for the two most important women in my life, soon to be three. Bronchitis! “I Ain’t Got Time for That!” As for the sleep mask, everyone was wearing those. It's a FOURTEEN HOUR flight where the sun never sets the whole time! Yes, I'll have a sleep mask please! So China? It’s definitely a very interesting place with a lot of people, and as Julie has stated, with not much regard for traffic laws. I have felt pretty safe though in spite of the number of people driving where they want when they want. It seems the penalty for hitting a pedestrian is severe regardless of whether you’re driving on the road or sidewalk. I have felt no real fear for my personal safety just being out and even with our obvious celebrity status, taken to super star status thanks to Emma. No worries, I’m still a good ole boy from Tennessee and my guard remains up. Especially after the older man entering our hotel decided he needed to touch Emma’s face. . That was a moment I had to remember how bad going to Chinese prison would be, and decided to chalk it up to a lesson learned. We no longer walk single file. Julie and I are always on Emma’s flanks and I’m watching our backs. Even with that, I haven’t felt unsafe or taken advantage of. Think about it, in a country where I don’t understand a lick of what they are saying and vise versa there is certainly the opportunity. I wonder what percentage of Americans treat foreigners the same. Anyway, that’s another discussion for another time. I do want to go back and highlight a few things in Julie’s earlier blog post about the Shanghai tours. I had actually started writing this post when we were still in Shanghai but didn’t get to finish it. The Yu Yuan Garden, beautiful place owned by a rich government official (sentence censored for content). The garden and the family wealth lost due to the owner’s son’s gambling addiction. As I heard this and how sad to lose this beautiful place I thought of a saying from one of my favorite theologians, Darrell Davenport, life is not about the dreams you dream but the choices you make. It also reminded me of a couple of verses, Galatians 6: 7-8 and Ecclesiastes 2: 24-26. I also reflected on the many who gave up the fruits of their labor, not for their own pleasures but to rid this world of one less orphan. Thank you Lord that your economy is the one true path to richness in this life and the next. I also wanted to comment on the Confucius Temple. Later Emma commented she was so mad when we were there she just wanted to punch the temple guide. She said, “how could so many people believe in praying to and worshiping this statue of a dead guy.” I love her heart! She certainly has a heart for the lost. Is punching people a form of witnessing? Maybe it should be. I think we all had that feeling walking through and listening to the curator. I don’t discount that Confucius’ sayings were wise or that his ideas on education, politics, and family life are not helpful. I just don’t think having good ideas or enhanced intellect makes you worthy of worship. If that were the case Stephen, Michael, Brian and myself would all be worshiping the creator of bacon. “Man that guy was smart, dead but smart!” Romans 1:25: They exchanged the truth about God for a lie, and worshiped and served created things rather than the Creator-who is forever praised. The only one worthy of our worship is the one whom conquered the grave. |
`I have been ready a mother’s blog who has a daughter with a limb difference (and a recently adopted a little boy too) and she wrote this wonderful post about teaching our children about differences. I came across it this summer before we even knew about Gracie. The mom has also shared a list of her book recommendations that help teach children about differences.
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